Yeah, guess what? I can keep my mouth shut, actually. Yes, I have a temper but more importantly I have a strategic mind that guided me this far in my successful life. Okay, so I got divorced ONCE — I promise you it’ll never happen again. Because I’m never getting married because all men are garbage turns out… if only I knew that before wasting the best years of my life living it up with a heartless bastard. The fancy dinners, expensive cars, parties on the yachts…. none of them were… None of… they weren’t… ahem…

“I’m going to be nice and not throw up in my mouth at the thought of Mark and I going on another date together. I will never lose a bet to that man again. Got it?” More information than I should have shared. Shit. What do I do? I gotta remind them how hot I am…

“COSTUME CONTEST. LET’S ALL SECRETLY VOTE AND SEE WHO GETS THE MOST!!” This has to work. I overheard some students earlier arguing about this… who knew my investigated work would get me out of this situation. Even with my raggedy costume, I’m still the finest one here by far.

---

Great.

Not only am I stuck with a wannabe cowherder, I’ve found myself in the company of a heifer! The spitting image of the broad on Rav’s arm. The night I caught him... Ugh. It comes flooding back and the only way to stop the tears is by curling my hands into a fist and socking her in the goddamn mouth—

“EW, YUCK!” Lonewolf snapped me out of it. If there was one thing I could count on him for, it was being a repulsive loser that disgusted more than Rav did. He broke my trust, my ego, my heart… but Ponyboy breaks my goddamn patience with how irritating he is. “We are not—”

Jesus Christ. Can I finish a thought around here? Another dumb broad all dolled up. Wait ‘til she’s thirty. Her man will cheat on her, too. And apparently, everyone was oh-so-interested in this blonde bimbo… I couldn’t roll my eyes harder without them popping out of my head. Bet your ass I tried though.

Then the fuckin’ tryhard. That guy Ryota was such a fuckin’ loser. Got on my nerves with the way he enjoyed life. Did you know when was alone (or thought he was alone) he not only spoke to himself, but added sound effects to his mundane actions? Like, yeah, he’s a hero… but you’re not in a comic book, honey.

Still, better than Lonewolf. And to drive the point home… and, more importantly, show all these girlies what long legs could do for a woman.

“Wow, big boy.” I lean over so we’re at eye level. Short bastard. “Scared the pants right off me…” He’s gonna be wrapped around my finger like the pathetic, sad sack he was. No way this 5/10 ever had a certified 11 give him any play. “Maybe I can return the favor? ;)”

---

[attr="class","likedo"]

Knuckles white, she crumples the paper. Penny’s a shallow breath away from swinging on him, which is what he’d want, and finds strength as she inhales — long, deep, a little shaky as he continues to press her buttons. The war rages, and he calls upon the gods to pity her. Rav’s quick to forget all their good moments… they had good moments, right?

Penny recalls summers filled with bountiful jokes and boisterous laughter. A bit more prying, and there’s silent companionship in their living room as she lays atop his chest, watching a film neither of them likes, finding solace in their mutual disgust. A bit deeper in her memories, Penny remembers the first time they made love. And how, for once, she felt she could trust someone.

“I hope your plane crashes.” A few people turn their heads as they walk by. Rav ends up leaving, and she isn’t sure if he didn’t hear or is ignoring her.

There’s a bench a few dozen feet in the distance. Penny plants herself, unraveling the paper on her lap and covering her mouth with her hand. Her hair protects her eyes from any onlookers.

A few tears wet her wish.

“I hate you.”

---

God, he was ugly.

Not his looks. Those were passable if you were interested in hill folk or greasy Americans who were more interested in their guns than their hygiene. But every facet of his personality, the unearned arrogance, narcissism, and the love of their own voice was downright grating. Worst of all, he was an American with guns that didn’t kill — if they had those, then why were there so many shootings in the States?

But she was still in the lead, even with his fancy little gadgets. That was until he shot at two fishmen that had popped out of the water in the middle of her explaining the rules.

“That’s not fair!” Penny slammed her foot down. She rolled up her pants and stomped her way to the ocean. “Come on out you stupid fish.”

Nothing.

Penny kicks the water, getting herself wet as her ankle catches on seaweed. She’s drenched up to her knees. Penny picks up a shell and tosses it into the water. It’s huge as it falls in as she turns around with narrow eyes and a demented smile.

“Did you see?” She starts cackling. “I killed twenty of them. TWENTY!”

Not a drop of blood reaches the surface.

Her hands cover her eyes. She can’t bear the embarrassment. She refuses to turn back to him as she pulls out her phone.

“I’ll see you Saturday,” She dials the phone. They answer. “Bring in the cleanup crew.”

---

“No, that’s stupid. You’re stupid.” Lonewolf completely missed the point. While, yes, she planned to use him for a free meal on the off chance that she lost the competition, they couldn’t make requests as to where the meal is. It was something she expected to backfire, but was worth the risk considering how dumb he was.

“How can I guarantee that Rav’s gonna eat hibachi, you fucking moron? The reason the winner pays is because the loser doesn’t get a choice in where they’re being dragged. It’s to make things a little more fair.” She keeps going. “More fair to you, loser. Dumb loser.”

Somehow, she still isn’t done. But the choice is taken out of her hands when three giant fish with human arms and legs come charging out of the water. It didn’t seem like too many of them were around today, which meant the first one to kill two would be victorious.

Splat.

One down. Atop it is a giant rock that Penny had tossed. But when she had tossed it, it was nothing more than a pebble being lobbed in their direction. There were two left to kill…

Penny grabbed a seashell.

---

Penny rolled her eyes.

She knew she was beautiful, so being reminded by a hack who was used to using his limited charm on Texan 10’s — who would have loved a guy like him giving them attention — only served to remind her of the gaping hole in her life left by Rav. There was no other like him. They were two of a kind. And now they were two, separate ‘one of a kind’s. Unfortunately, without her by his side, Rav would have lost all his status and fallen down the ranks as the loser playboy he was. He may have had the money but Penny had all the class.

“We’re obviously into other people.” She paused. “Well, I assume you’re into someone. And it’s definitely not me.” The water stirred. “Whoever kills the most fish gets to make our other person jealous.” She says. “And pays for the date, too!”

God forbid Penny paid for anything. She could not afford it.

---