[1UP]

Sigh.

I don’t understand The Captain sometimes. I get that he’s an all-knowing, talking mushroom from the future, but I would think as the chosen one I’d be a little more informed on what’s happening. To catch everyone up, I’m here to save the world. There’s an apocalypse coming — doomsday — and The Captain told me I’m the only one who could stop it.

It started with my classmates. They were a psyop. They tried to brainwash me. I’m not your little servant boy, Piotr. I’m a fucking hero.

I killed all of them. I didn’t want to. I spent a lot time crying.

Before.

During.

After.

It’s not too different from this animal shelter. Like my classmates, the workers are dead, unmoving husks. Their bodies are still warm. I had to check. He always makes me check. And the tears in my eyes are a reminder that I still care about these innocent people. Poor, unlucky people who spent their lives trying to save their fellow Earthlings.

They weren’t like Piotr at all. These workers never pissed on my crisps and laughed as I ate them at lunch.

The job was done. At least, I thought the job was done. I killed everyone here. And the dogs were unhappy about it. They were loud and barking and I felt so sorry for them, because no one else was coming.

So, I think I’ll free them.

At least they’ll be free from their cages. They might get adopted in the wild. There’s a lot of cute ones here, after all.

Like that one there.

It’s a small, timid puppy. A kish inu. It’s got white fur, a black snout, and a tiny little tail that looks like it’ll be fluffy when it grows up.

I think I’ll start with him.

“Hey, it’s okay.” The dog is scared. I don’t blame him. There’s flecks of blood on my shirt. He probably saw what I did to those people. But I wouldn’t do that to him. “I’m setting you free.”

I offer my hand. He eventually sniffs it. And I taken my chance to rub their little head. Eventually, he let’s me pick him up!

Put the dog down.

Okay, weird.

I put the dog back onto the ground. It tries to hop back into my arms.

“No, stay!”

It stays.

I take a few steps back.

Put the dog down.

“I did.” I point to it. “It’s over there. Down.”

The dog lies down.

“Good boy!”

Oliver, put the dog down.

Oh.

“Oh.”

I draw my katana.

---

Madame Butterfly

[Madame Butterfly]

[nospaces]

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life goes on without me

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[attr="class","freed-lyric"]nobody

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[attr="class","freed-bulk"]

TW// vague depiction of violence against animals. do not read if squeamish.[break][break]

FWWWWP![break][break]

that's the sound of the helium tank on my pretty pink belt filling up a long helium balloon! it's a very comforting sound for me, because when helium fills up a balloon, that means it's time to make BALLOON ANIMALS, and balloon animals ALWAYS!!! == happiness! dang, i really need some happiness right now, cuz i was gonna send all the people in this animal shelter to the afterlife party tonight, but someone already got to them before me!! and they didn't do it in a very fun way either—cut em all to pieces!! soooo BORING!!! if i were in charge of this whole scene, i woulda put at least someone into a contortionist pose! OR OR put a long balloon down their throat and left it there!! whoever killed all these people really wasn't creative at all about it! it kinda made me, well... sad! and nobody likes a sad clown! HONK! ;)[break][break]

oh well! do dogs and cats go to the afterlife? i hope so! when i was a kid, dad had this old cocker spaniel who was always yappin! his name was capitan and i loved him a bunches! that's why i sent him to heaven! when i eventually get to the end of all of this, i hope i meet him there :O elseways what's the whole point of all of this?? i hope dad goes to hell though that would be super funny :) and then we could all watch him burn in hell and have a big party about it! i think i would serve roasted wiener dogs for dinner—oops! hot dogs, i meant! kinda the same thing though... hehe! oh well! i skip through the scene of gore and trauma with a wide, big smile on my face and blood covering my big clown shoes, and i follow the sound of barking. on second thought, i run back for sec, take out my butterfly, and carve off a little pinky finger from one of the workers and put it in my memento box. i always love to remember fun things!![break][break]

oh, there's the guy who probably killed all those people! he's sitting in the kennel area and all the dogs are barking and whining and going crazy, but one dog's curled up at his feet with it's tail between its legs, shivering. must be with EXCITEMENT!!! hell, all these dogs probably are so DESPERATE to go to heaven! and hey, that guy has a sword out! GASP!!! is he... helping?? could we possibly be... THE BESTEST FRIENDS???[break][break]

i wave at him! "HI HI HI!! are you helping these dogs??? that's so sweet!!" i honk my nose for fun! i'm leaning back and forth on my heels, waving my long balloon around in an animated fashion. my voice is loud and fast and far too animated for this situation. "oh, were you the one who helped all the workers too?? wow, you did such a good job! i'm so proud of you!!! y'know, i wanted to do the same thing too, but you got here before me... hahaha!!!! i hope you're not in my head cuz that would super suck!!! hey, just to be a super nice clown, imma help you!!! we can do all of this together!!! isn't that so nice of me??? let's be bestest friends, okay???"[break][break]

i open the nearest kennel. in my hands appears a large industrial hammer, pulled from a bag on my belt that is almost comically too small. in one hand is the balloon, and in the other is the hammer. i enter the kennel, unseen to the stranger. there is panicked whining, yelping, a little bick of barking, then a big THUMP, one last whine, and then silence.[break][break]

in the silence, there is the sound of balloon latex rubbing against itself. as i exit the kennel, the balloon is no longer in my hand, but the hammer remains, and it's head is covered in blood. so is my face, viscera and gore mixing with my eye makeup and lipstick. my face is blank.[break][break]

"that was SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO, SO..."[break][break]

"FUN!!!!" a smile breaks out on my face. i start laughing. in the kennel, right next to the corpse of a dog, is a bloodied balloon animal in the shape of a dog.

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1UP

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[1UP]

I wish the dogs weren’t barking.

But even with all their hubbub, I can hear clown shoes squeak onto the scene. I want to look, especially with how excited she is to see me — no one’s ever excited to see me — but I have a job to do. The weight of the future rests on my shoulders. And I can only hold onto Mr. Katana for so long before gravity takes things into its own hands. But that’s not good enough for The Captain.

Do I have to kill her, too?

No, just the dog.

But I wanna kill her.

Just. The. Dog.

What about the other dogs?

The other dogs don’t matter. What matters is killing this dog right here, right now.

I feel the cold tears running down my face. It’s impossible to see. Mucus is clogging up my nose. It’s impossible to breathe. And with the sirens outside, it’s impossible to hear. I’m grateful. I don’t have to hear the puppy’s last, dying whimper.

[ WHIMPERS ]

I look over at what she’s done. I don’t hear anything still but for different reasons this time. Words are circling my head. From my frontal lobe to the cerebellum, they take a trip through every avenue of thought available to me.

Gravity reels me back in like it always does.

Her laughter is helium. I can feel the knots in my chest unravel as something light fills my lungs. I start laughing, too. It’s not much different from my crying.

I stop.

I stare down at her nose.

“You really want to be bestest friends?”

---

Madame Butterfly

[Madame Butterfly]

[nospaces]

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life goes on without me

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[attr="class","freed-lyric"]nobody

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[attr="class","freed-bulk"]

poor boy's like an itty bitty puppy dog himself! he's all whimpers and sadness, his tail's between his legs, his eyes are filled with sorrow unbefitting of a boy that will soon meet his maker, whatever that cosmic entity ends up being. i don't really get it, honestly! he just did exactly what i did, and there are tears running all the way down his face. he's snifelling and snivelling and even laughing now (what joy!) when he could be getting on with the rest of this task! oh our lord who art in heaven, i'll put him down later too, for sure, but for now can i keep him? pleeeeeease? pretty please?[break][break]

"why the long face???" i cry, lifting my gloved hands to grab hold of either side of his face, at which point i forcefully tug upward, somewhat a struggle due to my height, in the hopes to tilt the corners of his mouth towards his eyes. in the process, i smear his skin with viscera and blood, making him almost as red as i am! "turn that frown upside down, little guy!!! everybody dies some day, we're just being merciful and putting those poor puppies and people outta their misery NOW!!! isn't that SO BEAUTIFUL???"[break][break]

i briefly remove my gloved hand from his face, but only for a second so that i may rifle around in my comically small clown bag! i'm running through it for a little bit, pulling out small toy cars and then putting them away, and then an endless string of multicolored cloths tied together, before i stuff that back in, and then eventually a big red bulbous clown nose!! my smile grows ever larger, infinite, as it lift it up to the sad boys face, and i affix it to his nose. then, i lean forward and up, and push my nose against his with such force to make both of our noses HONKKKK at the same time.[break][break]

"bestest friends FOREVER!!!!" i affirm, pulling him into a suffocating hug and rubbing the viscera all over my chest into his. i pull back briefly to draw my wide, exhilirated eyes into his. "til' the end!!! and even after... when the end is just beginning!"[break][break]

HONK, goes my nose again, with my fingertips gripped around it.

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1UP

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[1UP]

She’s sweet.

I let her make me smile. It’s not too hard — it comes naturally the more she puts her hands on me. I feel like a puppy being picked up for the first time. Is this what it’s like to have a friend? To be loved? I can’t imagine a better feeling in the world. If this is what I have to look forward to, then there’s no doubt about it… The future is worth saving.

“Yeah… so beautiful.” What did she say? Something about misery? I don’t know. I’m lost as she presses her clown nose against my newly affixed one — I even leaned down so she could get to me more easily. I’m not that tall, but she makes me feel huge.

My heart POUNDS against my GODDAMN chest.

It HURTS.

So fucking bad.

But in such a good way. It’s the kind of hurt that makes my hands clammy. The kind of hurt that hatches cocoons in my stomach. The type of hurt that gets my hand to move on its own. I don’t know what it’s doing, but it does it anyway.

HONK!

I honked my nose.

I’m breathing deeply.

I’m staring directly at hers now.

My hand is still moving.

She hugs me and as she pulls away just a bit and my hand presses forward. What am I doing?

“We’re best friends?” It trepidatiously continues, inches away from her face. “Can best friends honk each other’s noses?” I gulp. “Because I want to honk your nose ..”

There’s a banging on the door.

“This is the police!” They say. “Come out with your hands up.”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP. I’LL KILL YOU.” I spit all over her face. I don’t even realize it. I look back at her — surprised I ever looked away.

HONK!

---

Madame Butterfly