[junsuina]

[attr="class","bmsk"] in blackest night... It was probably common for Sadako to help students deal with general problems: anxiety, stress, potentially depression. Feelings of inadequacy. However, it was probably rare that someone with a case such as Junsuina Kanjo would reach out. On top of anxiety, she was prone to panic attacks just off of physical touch alone. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal, but more than likely Sadako would be informed of an incident where Jun broke someone's arm due to this behavior. On the day of the appointment Jun would tentatively take a seat in Sadako's office, fingers interlocked in her lap as she focused on a point on the floor. She was in an old set of gym clothes, and it looked like she hadn't taken care of herself for a few days. Bags were under her eyes, and she was uneasy. "So...um. I've never been to something like this, and I'm not sure what to even do..." Sadako Gotoh

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[Sadako Gotoh]

''That's okay.'' She smiled warmly at Jun. ''Most students who come into my office for the first time haven't sat down like this before. Hero training is tough, we keep your minds and bodies occupied with things to do all the time. Few stop up to think about whether they need help or not and even fewer reach out. That's one reason for this intervention.'' Her looks weren't lost on Sadako. Jun clearly wasn't happy about what had happened, or that she reacted so negatively to being touched, otherwise she wouldn't look like she did, or even have showed up at all.

''I want to preface our conversation by saying you're not in trouble. I don't care what any other teacher, or student might have said to you after the incident. You're not in trouble, and you're not weird. You're Junsuina Kanjo. You're human and you have something you want to improve about yourself.'' She did her best to try and position herself both in a position of authority, but also as someone who genuinely cared for Jun's well-being, because she did. Sadako would never have taken this job if she didn't care for the students of UAU. ''So, let's talk about you. You don't have to say more than you want, but the more you talk the more I'll be able to help you. Just know, I'm not looking to push you or pry anything out of you, I want to help.''

Taking up her clipboard she scribbled down a couple of words and looked back at Jun. ''Let's start simple, how are you feeling?''

junsuina

[junsuina]

[attr="class","bmsk"] in blackest night... Jun didn't look up, staring at that particular point in the ground. "How...I'm feeling." There was a lot to unpack there. She needed the stones removed from her piercings as she was worried she might overload and cause even more trouble. She already left her support rings in her dorm. "I feel awful. The doctors after the...er..." she paused, about to reveal something but pulled back. "I. They said Momo would be fine, but after what happened...I thought I...I...her neck was in a weird way, and I thought..." Tears started to form in her eyes, and she looked down at her hands. "I'm. I'm scared of what I can do. What I'm capable of doing. Since I learned about my quirk, I've been afraid of hurting someone with it. But what happened...that wasn't because of my quirk. I did that. Not with my quirk, but with my hands. She's currently unconscious, with a broken arm, and it's all because I freaked out." She let out a breath, lips quivering as she shrunk into herself. "I'm a monster." Sadako Gotoh

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[Sadako Gotoh]

''It's okay.'' She reassured her, keeping her tone soft and friendly. It pained her to see how hurt Jun was. Normally if a student started tearing up she would offer them a hand, a shoulder to cry on, but given Jun's anxieties she couldn't exactly do that. She did however, take out a box of tissues for her. ''Your quirk... It's controlled by your emotions, right?'' She scribbled something down. It was safe to say that even if Jun hadn't used her quirk on Momo, it was undoubtedly putting a lot of stress on Jun's body and mind. How couldn't it? Emotions were strong, but also volatile. ''You're not a monster.'' She reassured her.

They might just be empty words to the upset student, but she needed to hear it all the same. No matter how many times Sadako had to say it for her to start to believe it.

''Your anxieties, are they tied to physical touch specifically? Do you think there is anything else that could have triggered your response? You don't have to be sure, just try and tell me what comes to mind.'' Jun was going to be a tricky case, but she still saw a way forward. Questions to ask and things to try. If Jun wanted it, she might even suggest follow-up sessions to monitor her progress and perhaps give her a space to vent in her office. It all hinged on how Jun took to this conversation.

junsuina

[junsuina]

[attr="class","bmsk"] in blackest night... Jun tentatively reached out to take a tissue, dabbing her face as she pulled her knees up to her chest and put an arm around her legs. Sada might be trying to be reassuring, but Jun knew the truth: she was an awful person. But Jun would humor her, nodding her head. "Yeah...it's rooted in my emotions. And if they get away from me, I can do a lot of damage..." There was plenty of evidence of this throughout parts of Jun's life, to the point where she got through most of high school in a stunted way. It wasn't until after that incident that she started to open up again. The other question made her pause. "I-I dunno," she says, not sure how to answer the question. "Kaida-senpai, she doesn't cause me to panic. I guess...I guess it's because we have a lot in common..." In truth, she wasn't sure. Her family didn't make her panic (outside of her mother on occasion), and every person in the school did. Kaida was the only exception, as well as Yaoyao. Why was that? Sadako Gotoh

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[Sadako Gotoh]

''Yeah..'' She said solemnly with a soft nod, acknowledging Jun's hardships with her quirk and her emotions. They came in here from time to time, students who struggled with quirks and emotions, especially when their quirk was directly powered by them. She even had colleagues, pro heroes who still struggled daily. If only there was one, simple cure and she could just give it to Jun. Something to take all the pain away, she wouldn't hesitate.

''Have you known Kaida-san for long?'' She wrote something down again, but continued to keep her relaxed and friendly focus on Jun as she talked. ''Perhaps it has to do with how well you know a person. Touch is based on trust. If you can trust someone and know they aren't going to do anything unpredictable, perhaps then your anxieties don't flare up?'' It was just a hypothesis, but it was food for thought. ''Do you trust me, Kanjo-san? Place your hand on my desk if you do.'' She leaned forward and would place her own hand on the desk, next to Jun's if the student felt like it. Their hands weren't touching, but they were within proximity of each other. ''Does this activate those same fears? Is it closeness, or specifically touch?'' She was starting to get a feel for what Jun was going though, at least enough so that she knew how to proceed.

''Are you familiar with exposure therapy?''

junsuina

[junsuina]

[attr="class","bmsk"] in blackest night... The request for Jun to place her hand on Sadako's desk elicited a spike of anxiety. She didn't know what exactly that would entail, and she physically hesitated. She was looking for an indication of trust, and Jun wasn't quite there yet. There needed to be some give and take, but she wasn't ready and willing to give just yet. But then again, if that was the case then why was she even here? After the hesitation she slowly set her hand on top of the desk, letting out a shaky breath. Though the moment Sadako set her hand next to hers she drew back, immediately sucking in again as she wrung her hands in front of her; with the rings gone she had no other outlet for her anxiety. "I-I'm not familiar with exposure therapy," she says, retreating into herself. It was clear that general closeness was what caused her to retreat. Sadako Gotoh

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[Sadako Gotoh]

Sadako also withdrew her hand once she could see how uncomfortable Jun was getting. She didn't like making her uncomfortable, but it was all vital information in helping her get better. ''Sorry about that, thank you for trusting me.'' She smiled, taking a few more notes. ''I'm convinced that this will be the best method going forward. At least for now, but I will need your full cooperation, Kanjo-san.'' A low-risk method of treatment, it was the only right thing to do unless more drastic measures had to be used, but if it came to that Sadako unfortunately couldn't help Jun.

''Exposure therapy is a form of treatment used for fears, phobias and other forms of anxiety.'' She put her notes and pen down as she explained. ''It involves exposing the subject to one of their fears in very small increments, with the hopes of improving, or even removing the anxiety entirely over a long period of time. In your case, it would mean that we desensitize your body to the fear of physical closeness. At least to such a degree that you'll have full control over it and it won't interfere with your day to day life.'' If they could get that far without any drastic measures that would be perfect. ''Of course like I said, I require your full cooperation for this method. That means for our next meeting and subsequent meetings, we are going to work on controlling your closeness anxiety. I will try to never overstep your boundaries, and you will have to communicate them to me clearly. If our hands on the tables become too much, we can start even smaller. Slowly but surely, we'll move your boundaries, but only when you're ready.''

She smiled warmly at Jun, the way a mother or big sister would. ''We all struggle with something. It's only human. The fact that you've taken the first step forward to get help already makes you braver than ninety percent of all your peers. You also clearly regret what happened. Only someone with a compassionate heart would.'' Hopefully she could help put her mind at ease, even if the incident stayed with Jun for a long time.

''Do you have any questions, or anything you want to bring up?''

junsuina

[junsuina]

[attr="class","bmsk"] in blackest night... As Sadako Jun couldn't help but tense up at the suggestion. That might mean she'd have to touch people. She wasn't sure if she could handle that, handle- She took in a breath, ready to refuse that sort of treatment, only for Sadako to speak her piece about her 'bravery'. The statement cut through her, and in her raw state she might as well have never left that island. She hugged her legs harder than before, burying her face in her knees as she tried to think of a way, any way, to get out of that. "Not brave," she mutters, slowly letting it out. "I'm not, I'm not...if I was, then...then..." Part of her wanted to come out with it, to explain all the blood on her hands. Another didn't want to expose herself, to show that weakness. She wanted to trust Sadako, but at the same time she couldn't force herself to. "Do you believe in destiny?" She didn't look up, the words flowing out of her as a memory scratched the back of her head. "I don't. I can't. Not after...not after that. Not after it. She ended up in the hospital. Comatose. And, and...it's my fault." Sadako Gotoh

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[Sadako Gotoh]

Jun's self-esteem issues were significant. It was impressive that she had gotten so far in UAU, all while bottling up what Sadako could only imagine was a storm of intensely violent emotions. Had her thoughts been eating away at her? If so, for how long? Jun had been notable ever since her first year, but she was never aware of just how much this girl was putting on herself. Pressure to succeed, lack of self-esteem, anxiety and fear when getting close to others. It wasn't sustainable, she needed help. At least so long as she insisted on pursuing heroism, but why? Why was she pursuing heroism if the job brought this many hardships on her?

When Jun protested she didn't speak against her, she simply let her speak her mind, hopefully easing some of the pain, if even just a sliver. When Jun asked her hypothetical question, Sadako mulled it over, but she kept her attention on Jun instead of letting her thoughts drift. ''I believe in people.'' Putting someone in a coma in the hospital was rough, but she couldn't keep punishing herself like this. ''I believe we will make mistakes we end up regretting, but I also believe we can all change for the better. You have shown that you want to change and that, to me, makes you brave. Let's table the discussion about treatment for now, think about it until next time, okay? Try not to be too hard on yourself, Kanjo-san. To err is human.'' She smiled reassuringly.

junsuina

[junsuina]

[attr="class","bmsk"] in blackest night... Jun stared at Sadako, confused. Unbeknownst to the two of them, they were on separate pages; Sadako, focusing on the present and Jun's actions that happened, and Jun, focusing on the past and all her inaction. "I...I did change..." she says, shivering. "So why is it, every decision I make, every action I take, results in tragedy? If I do nothing, people die. If I act, people get hurt...what am I supposed to do, sensei?" She went quiet, looking back down at the floor. "The island...why did I choose to take Suyo's dream. Why did I think I could make it my own? Why do I have to keep messing up?" These thoughts were meant to be inner dialogue, but Jun had enough going through her head that one just so happened to slip out. Something to give a clue as to what was really going on. Sadako Gotoh

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[Sadako Gotoh]

''You do what you can, Kanjo-san.'' There was a somberness to her tone. Although she didn't understand all that was going on with Jun, she did recognize the feelings of insecurity in her, almost like she was looking into a dark mirror. ''We all do, and that's all anyone can ask of you.'' She looked down at her notes for a moment, recentering her thoughts before looking back at Jun. ''Of course that doesn't have to mean heroism. I'm not saying give up, but if you talents are better suited somewhere else, don't see changing careers as admitting defeat. Some people in our field inevitably do and end up hurting themselves more in the long run by hanging onto a career that isn't fulfilling for them.'' She offered warmly.

The island? This was all new to her, was she talking about her past? If that was the case, maybe it was plaguing her a lot more than she had initially thought. Carefully, she spoke up again. ''Who is Suyo?'' Had she missed something? Was it already provided in her student file about Jun and she had overlooked it? Surely not something this important. ''Kanjo-san, can we do something together? Don't worry, I won't get close to you. Take a deep breath, with me.'' She inhaled, taking in air until she could feel it all the way down in her stomach. ''Then breathe out.'' She breathed out, ''One more time, with me.'' She wanted to help ease some of her nerves, even just a miniscule amount. ''Tell me as much as you're comfortable with. We can end this session at any point now and pick up another time.''

junsuina

[junsuina]

[attr="class","bmsk"] in blackest night... Jun looked back up at Sadako, perplexed. Was she psychic now?! The request to follow along with her was delayed. After a moment of shock she began to repeat the exercise, breath in through her nose, then out through her mouth...she did this two or three times, letting her thoughts simmer and settle. Not many people knew what happened...did they? And so Jun hesitated. She was uncertain what to tell Sadako, if anything at all, about what she went through. Maybe...maybe it would be best to just keep it vague, to go light on the details. She shook her head, taking in a shaky breath before letting it out. "Stryker's Island. Four years ago, the incident that took place. I...I don't want to talk about it...it was all my fault...I shouldn't be alive." She went quiet, hugging her legs once again. "I...Kaz knows. Apparel. She was the last person on the island to save me. I don't..." She shook her head, letting out a sob. "I hurt Momo. I didn't want to hurt her, it just...happened. I'm a monster...a freak..." Sadako Gotoh

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[Sadako Gotoh]

Survivor's guilt.

Significantly worse than dealing with accidentally injuring your classmate. Jun's problems went a lot deeper than the surface level. Sadako had heard of Stryker's Island, although the memory of the news was blurry the named invoked unspeakable sadness. Jun was a victim? Maybe if she had done her research better she would have known, maybe she could have helped Jun sooner... She pushed all those feelings away for now. Her own doubts and insecurities was for after the meeting, those she could examine on her own. She could let that keep her awake at night as she realized how futile her effort to help the students of UAU might be. Even so, she kept pushing on. ''Take this how you want, Kanjo-san. Me, as well as many others are glad you are alive today.''

Apparel knows Jun? At least enough to be on a first name basis with her. Sadako wrote her name down and made a note of contacting her about the incident later. Jun was clearly in pain and she wasn't going to torture her by asking her for every little detail here today. ''I know you didn't want to hurt her. Unfortunately she is hurt, but what is in the past can't be changed, not by you, me, or anyone else. But you can be better. You're not a monster because you're capable of change. You're not a freak because you're human. Ultimately, Momo is fine and she is going to make a full recovery. What happened between you two is sad, but it's also a learning opportunity. What do you say you and I make it the last time you hurt someone on accident?'' She smiled reassuringly, giving Jun a little wink.

junsuina

[junsuina]

[attr="class","bmsk"] in blackest night... The good news was, Jun's spiral seemed to have slowed. She hugged her legs tightly to her chest, taking one deep breath after another. This was not fun, confronting that part of her or the weakness that it entailed. But...what Sadako said was enticing. The last time she hurts someone on accident. She didn't know how to achieve that, but...it would be nice. To not panic every time someone touched her, to not nearly injure anyone and everyone around her. It would be nice... "Okay," she says, putting her head against her knees. "Can...I wait here a minute?" She needed a few minutes to collect herself. She shared more than she intended, and the jury was still out whether or not that was a good idea or not, but there it was. She couldn't leave this room with those memories on the surface, they had to be reburied else she couldn't show herself to the world. Sadako Gotoh

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