✧ RIP ✧

“Hell yeah that’s the spirit!!” I was grinnin’ wicked thick. Everything my supermodel angel said was magnetically alluring - she’s got a one in seven billion voice - but it was hella seductive when her defiance came through. When you knew where she came from, her struggle with being human, you knew. I ain’t have a doubt in my pea-sized brain that me and my girl could take on all of hell!! Be banned from heaven, kicked out from earth! “Nothing’s gonna get us. Ever, ever,” I promise, falling deeper in love with her when she whispers what she does. Seeing her relax, at home in my arms… I’d sell my soul to make that our reality. To protect her across the infinite cycle of our lives.

I couldn’t stop blushing at what she said. Kazashi McCoy was my indelible destiny, a love so strong with someone so supernaturally great it blew my mind away still that we were together. To be her place as she was mine, sanctuary over all earth, was a compliment my heart almost couldn’t fully take. It was just that big. Then she does what she does next and my jaw damn near drops to the floor!! I’m red all over the blue ‘gain! “■■■■!!” the shake!! That sultry tone of voice! My eyes had never gone so wide! “You mean that, hun? I am a man of action y’know, your man of action who’d hella like to-” my fingers make the most creepy ass spirit finger motion!! - “action YOU!!” a throaty, thirsty heuheu!! bubbles out of my jaw! It was a miracle I ain’t cause an accident on the road when she effortlessly seduced me like so!! 911 with my palms on her backside, call that a booty call!!

It was near impossible to keep my lifeless eyes on the road. To have her, warm, soft beyond belief, cuddled up next to me made up for it when I couldn’t look at her directly. She says what she says next and each word plays over and over again in my head, diamonds spinning their refractions in ebullient rainbows. “Yeah,” I start, slowly, “hell yeah. More than possible.” Blueprints were coming together in big and wide shapes in my head, 10-meter high trellises and garden beds. A tool shed for blacksmithing. A big smile was growing over my face. “I’ll build them a treehouse and everything, a pergola for us to watch them from…” I turn to her, lost in a dream as my fingers race over her forearm. “New idea. There’s a new place to go, baby! Let’s look, today!!” She was hella right, we could move in before we had them!! She wanted it, I’d build it! I look behind us, then veer the car back in the other direction towards the countryside!



I thought ‘bout where Mo and her girl lived, where my love’s mom lived too. The quiet sanctity, the privacy, their own earthen paradise - the idea grew wild and free in my head, maybe hers too as we thought of it together!! There was nothing more I loved than the idea of Kazashi being away from all the psychos, of a quiet, safe place for our family. Away from so many prying eyes. Speeding by to a place that was outside of Tokyo but not so far removed a commute in would be impossible, I slow the car. Rolling green hills, a wavering blue sky and farmers balancing the two worlds. “W-Whaddya think about somewhere out here?” I squeeze her hand with my free one. If she wanted, I’d park and open her door!!

✧ RIP ✧

There was somethin’ ■■■■ radically badass ‘bout bein’ someone’s first love, their last. Like I had a God-given responsibility to love her silly, discover every little or big thing that made her tick. Seeing her melt under me when my thumbs danced with her horns, fingertips massaging her shoulders flooded my tiny brain with happy chemicals. Another one to add to the playbook. A hundred pages so far and hundreds to go, cause she was changin’ everyday and I ain’t wanna miss a single thing ‘bout her. There was hella always something new to learn ‘bout my moongirl, something that’d bring stars coasting through her cross eyes. You fascinating, gorgeous nymph. “Yeah, babygirl? Where would you wanna go?” I stare up at her as my hands softly spool her hair around my fingers. “Anywhere in the world or the next, as long as you’re there, I’ll be right by your side,” I promise, tightening my hold around her with my other arms.

I bit my lip. “Ya. I ain’t got a single doubt ‘bout it.” My heart crashes through my pelvis, harder and deeper for her every reaction. Her soft, kissable fingertips ghosting across my lower chest, her kiss that lit me afire inside. She was devastatingly beautiful. Was when I met her, was now that she was getting bigger, would always be so in the future. I wanted her, all the time, in all forms, sagging skin and her perfect smiles and soft blushes. I couldn’t stop myself. I lean up and in, lips hovering over her right ear before whispering the most unhinged slew of just how much she needed it more for how naughty she was. My arms grip hers harder as I do, mouth softly biting the top of her ear when I finish. “Get the picture, baby?”

She’d always by My Hero, the limelight of my world and her family’s, too. I was blinded by her light when we met; that someone who endured the same hellacious childhood as me and chose kindness over anger never stopped blowing my mind. It was more proof of her celestial shine, the fact that God just gave her a little-lot more than everyone else. And I ain’t even a believer!! But it ain’t stop there, either! She was mad popular in Tokyo, with ecstatic fans goin’ right up to her and asking for her autograph, too! Possessiveness ramps up my spine every damn time, dovetailed with pride. My Charon, light over the night sky. That she was mine, all mine, was a near unfathomable fantasy come true even seven years later. All my life. “Kaz-chan…” For someone like that to say all those incredibly nice things to someone like me overfilled my tiny dead heart. There was no hesitation in saying this ethereal, majestic creature would be not just #1 Hero but also #1 Mom. For her to think I’d be the same as a dad touched me in a place I ain’t even know I had. “Thank you, baby. And thank ■■■■ their mama’s so HOTT!! C’mere!!” I make grabby hands towards her with all four arms and ain’t dare think to let her go!

I just couldn’t. Not ever, not now when she was so perfect under me. Head heavy, my vision wavers in and out a beat just lookin’ at this angel laid out with her hair spilling like a halo on the sheets. She was impossibly beautiful, auric cross eyes in the light a tint unknown to human comprehension. “Awh shit baby…” I nearly choke up when she blurts out what she does. My radial arteries bulge out from the skin as I push her wrists deeper into the pillows, two other hands coming up to course through her silky hair. I couldn’t think, body moving on its own to kiss her silly starting from her luscious lips moving downwards. Her every squirm, heartbeat breathtaking under my lips - hips in my hands, my heart on my tongue - it was dizzying. I was gonna worship her, draw out everything till she had nothing more to give. My goddess.

Her laughter is aural healing. In that thick rural accent, it sinks through your skin, straight into the heart. How could she make something as simple as laughing feel so damn good? It was a core memory, every giggle, blush, this moment in front of the mirror. I used to hate who I saw looking back at me when I was by myself but besides her I was a million bucks, immortal. Then when she put on the cutest fit I was hella jaw dropped all over again!! “Zāzā!!! You’re so BEAUTIFUL!” I practically dropped everything I was holding, the classic men collection of gun, phone and wallet with like two things in it!! “I-I mean like, you always are but especially so right now!!” I felt faint with her compliment, blushed at her wink!! I was weak again!!

I’d lead her by the small of her back, hook my hand into hers and take extra care to support her. She ain’t no wallflower anymore, my Kazashi. Pregnant so, she could still topple the best gang member in two seconds flat!! But I’d never stop holding her like my princess, protecting her. Especially now, these vulnerable months of our lives before everything changed forever. I look at her, so in awe. Beauty without description, my whole world as a person. “You havin’ a good Mother’s Day so far?” I ask in a low tone. The next one would be with our kids, a thought that sent my heart through orbit. When we got to the car, I’d open the door for her, marvel her before closing it.

✧ RIP ✧

My heart’s a damn hammer in my chest.

Harder it thuds by the second, luv-a-duv between the pg-13 thoughts of my wife and the STRESS!! Planning! Money! Worry!! What if our lil munchkins were beatin’ her up more on the inside than she really let on? What if something happened to her when she pop-

I choke a cig back as wheels screech on the wet asphalt, car veering back in the right direction. The world goes for a whirl, the consuming black of a long, empty road closing in. Missed my exit. Two arms work on lighting up another cig, killbox thudding into the cupholder. The engine hums underneath me, the amaroidal burn of ash in my lungs. Anyway, being a Villain ain’t ■■■■ all compared to gettin’ ready to be parents. Every damn day there was something new the internet was teaching us about what we had to do, what we needed, and before my girl and I knew it we had a mountain of kid shit building up in the apartment!! Hella put the biggest smile on our faces. But it meant there was more to go. More stuff. More prep. More to go wrong.

We needed more space.

It was a long drive during Greenery Day when we knew we wanted a house. A lil more than it, somethin’ really special for the most special girl in the whole world. Now, my ass is a part-time janitor working double shifts with like ten handyman gigs!! There’s no way I’m bussin’ a whole ass house on that salary! I’ve got money in dirty places, tho. Zombae’s dead to me, a bloody, ugly past I’ve been trying to bury ever since Kazashi found out she was pregnant. Trying anyway, I’ll figure out soon that you stay in the game long enough and you don’t really get out. A bit before I parted ways with my brother-in-everything-but-blood, Brie, he setup some offshore savings accounts to hide away all my assassin money. Truth is, I ain’t really know much ‘bout investing or even where those accounts are now. But I gotta way in.

Transferring a bigass sum of money from the Villain world into the Civilian world, and keeping your name clean, is a pain in the ass. I’ve never done it, heard stories. But we gotta hook up, an old… alliance. My moongirl and I are out to meet him tonight. I’m drivin’ home fresh from a double shift, took a shower in the water fountains at work!! Hell, I’ll clean them tomorrow anyway! I was hella nervous about taking her back into this territory. Always was, exponentially so when she was pregnant. But she knew every secret of my soul, always would, and I hella wasn’t about to keep this next step from her.

Pulling up to our highrise’s parking lot, I’d get out the car, bounce on the balls of my feet and text she who I loved the most.

✧ RIP ✧

I love her every sensitivity, her every emotion blazing to life under those sun-kissed cheeks. My girl felt on a level most others ain’t, dove into the furthest depths of feelings and out of the ozone with her overpouring heart. The way she looked at me even before taking my mask off for the first time made me feel like she was peering into my soul. Past all my sludge, and stuck with me still. Now everytime she cries over an animal video or over the lil things like folding tiny socks, she opens my heart all over again. It should be impossible to love her deeper, yet everyday she proves me wrong. That someone so wronged could come out so right, be better than the best and the most gorgeous angel imaginable. It was all the more proof that she had to be hella heavensent. No one could convince me otherwise. I’d be her light all our lives, for all eternities and timelines, forever bound to her soul. Reincarnate and love her in all forms.

Hearing her murmur beside me stirs my insides. N’ other parts of me!! “Nah,” I whisper back to her supercute mock-whine, moving slow, tender kisses up from her forehead to the base of her horns. My index finger and thumb come up to rub against them, stroking up to the tips. It made me so damn happy to hear what she said next. Her being comfortable, her wanting to spend all day cuddling was all I ever wanted. Me and my cutie. I chuckle, glowing under her shoulder kisses, the beauty of her serene face. “You for me baby, you’re so damn soft!! If you wanna stay in, we stay in! Anything you want, we could say ■■■■ it to the whole damn world and hella run away today!!” Then her fingertips dancing along my chest put funny thoughts in my mind, a low groan of approval crawling up my throat. “Bad girl, Zāzā,” I start whispering against her neck, rough fingertips digging into the softness of her curves, “I ain’t gonna spank our kids but you…” I lick my lips. Watch out, baby. There’d be certain things I’d never stop doing to her, for her. Ain’t matter she was becoming a mom, hella ain’t matter when we’re 80, either!! My Kazashi-ravaged brain aside, I hella agreed with her!! There ain’t a better place for those squirts to learn it than home. Drugs, guns? As if we’d run out.

I grin when she wriggles up close. A centimeter separating us was already too much. Then my head cranes into her hand, cheek nuzzling across her palm. I was vaguely ecstatic that the publicity never mattered to her - meant I could steal her away all the more into our private eden. Less eyes on she who I loved the most, the better. The safer. “Good,” I softly say, so in love with her. The next words were so touching I felt the world freeze, pea brain saving this to memory. She saved my life with her words, her touch. “Thank you, baby. I won’t disappoint you or them.” Me, a role model? I never woulda thought it, not in a billion years before I met her. But Kazashi McCoy deserved the world and everything in her wildest dreams. I’d do my part to bring it to life.

Her happy shiver throttles through me. It was one thing being with this supermodel angel - pleasing her, thrilling her - then another to know she felt the same. Made me wonder if everything I hated about myself was made for her all along, every throbbing piece sculpted for her divine shape. Her softness, her sweetness; I felt my mind drop when those words spilled from her melliferous lips, dripping with her. I lean in to lick it off her lips, hard, needing more of her blushes and gasps. I moan when she grips my hair, tightening my hold around her and only tearing my lips from her jaw to grin down at her. My precious, voluptuous girl. Hooded eyes scan her up and down, lingering hungrily in places. Then my hands roughly throw her wrists above her head to anchor them there. “Tell me you can take it.”

“You just try it, Zāzā!! You ain’t gettin’ this win on me!” She was so hella cute. I was flushed but I hella still couldn’t tear my eyes from her auric own, in love with her laugh and what she did to my hand. I’d kiss her till we’d have to come up for air, blue in the face and drowned in each other. More blue than usual!! Then when the world rapidly spun outta control I put a hand up to the back of my neck, another couple of arms instantly looping around her for comfort. “Shit!! You weren’t supposed to see that!” But I was laughing, in love with the kiss that came and instantly made whole from her presence. Her touch. “Thank you, baby!!” Getting nudged in the hip, I’d smile hella big, two hands gripping low at her abdomen and kissing her deeply on the neck. In front of the mirror, we were such a hella odd couple. A supermodel and troll, somehow madly fell in love with each other. Two other hands went coursing through her hair, then making funny shapes with it, grinning the whole time. Then I go to wash my teeth and brush my face, tugging a casual Spring fit on for our day!!

✧ RIP ✧

I’m ridin’ dirty at 4 am.

Not cause of drugs or anythin’ but cause I’m dirty, like DIRTY as ■■■■. A double shift as a janitor will do that to you!! My arms ache like hell, white jumpsuit and ballcap stained with you ain’t even wanna know what. Y’know, what the hell do these corporate pigs do to get their office THAT damn dirty?! It’s a 9-to-5!! You throw your lunch on the wall after you’re done with it?? N’ it’s hella crazy cause it’s like every damn time I come back it looks even worse! I crush the cig I’m smoking under my tongue, savor the acrid burn and immediately go to light up another two with my extra arms. The road’s a misty wash splattered by dim streetlights n’ not much else. I sigh. I’ll be back later tonight.

See, my wife’s x months pregnant. We’re makin’ plans, I ain’t kill anyone since December. Don’t kill at all anymore unless it’s a real scumbug, those ■■■■ and ■■■■’s of the world who are better off dead. I used to make my bag on this assassin money after my bend with the Covenini - now I’m a part time janitor!! Part time handyman, working on overtime to make hella money for me and my wife! I can’t erase all the insane shit I did. Death creeps in my periphery, around every corner, and I’m hella ready to fight when it rears its ugly mug. I got the cutest wife in the world, y’know? Kids on the way.

I’m tryin’ to do this shit right.

On God, I am.

I roll into a gas station, swallow the cigs with some horse-ass painkiller pills and start filling at the pump. No other cars, seems like one or two people working max in there. I walk through the sliding door, flickering halogen lights drowning the stale products in its glow. I stick my hand up in greeting. You just gotta when you look like me. Ugly rules of the world. The kid working here breathes out again, waves back. Then I go through an aisle real quick. I’ll get a couple chocolate bars for my wife and some nachos for the ride back!!

In the storage unit somewhere I ain’t see, a weathered old man picks up a radio com and speaks so, so slowly into it. Hello, Gas Station [X] located at [X]. Calling for Heroic assistance in unloading supplies. Thanks.. Then he goes back to playing puzzles on his newspaper.

✧ RIP ✧

Mesmerizing. Sliding up to hold her tight to me after I kiss her hand, one pair of arms sling across her waist. The other rubs taut, hot little circles into her iliacus, brain firing on overdrive: fixating on those teeth, incantations passing through those pretty, puffy lips. Bite me, baby. She’s so damn soft. Shit, what was she saying? “Like how to tie your shoes!!” It’s huskier than I want, got me leaning into the kiss harder, cradling the back of her head with rough, scarred-up palms. There’s my heart in my hands, soft, pure, warm, incredible beyond belief. Her every smile, laugh, lights me up in a place I never knew before her. Then she says what she does and I burst out laughing. “You’re too good to me, baby,” I say, leaning up to kiss her deep again. Truth was, I was jealous as ■■■■. Borderline followed her on her Herowork whenever I could, just had to look up meeeh Sora Nakoma, bleughh the wind dragon Dericho. Fuck him, n’ I ain’t even know him. You ain’t understand unless you marry someone this beautiful, whole, jaw-dropping. I trust her with my life, y’know? But I knew well the starving dogs of the world, moths before a flame. I was one till I met her.

The way her arms wrap around me in return lights something soft in me. I’d be happy holding her here, for all our lives and everything after. “You’re perfect.” I stare up and into her gorgeous eyes, still scratching my head at how this horned up nymph decided to choose me. When she was perfect beyond belief, not just pretty and shy at first but eccentric, compassionate, one in infinity with a melting heart of kindness. Out of my league, in every way. The woman I’d tied my soul to, couldn’t fathom living without her. When she closes her eyes and her skin’s sucked between my lips, radiant and sweet and pure with all the power of the sun itself I’m dazed, hands cupping the soft insides of her thigh. Her lil yelp sends me - so does her nudge, a throaty chuckle coming up in response. The love of my life was this cute, this silly and superb!! I wouldn’t hold back on the kiss barrage!

I lick my lips, drunk in love with her smile. I’m ashamed, embarrassed, madly in love with her. Always would be. My eyes dart from her mark to her gaze, blood rushing through me when she looks at me like that. Heavier, flushed, like my body would explode from all the wild stuff she did just by looking at me. Then she whispers against my lips and it’s over. My eyes go wide. Find out later? “WELL we better get a move on, baby!! Gotta catch the daylight!!” In a helluva RUSH I scoop her up, kiss her neck and face and soft jawline all over again while she’s in my arms!! She was so damn irresistible, I already wanted to mark her again. Leave a trail of my desperation for her as a reminder, a way I could tangibly give the love I ain’t all too good at expressing out loud. She overflows my heart, lives there ad infinitum.

I grin when we’re at the table!! All the time really when I’m with her, like she’s got a permanent sun following her footsteps, effervescent radiance lifting any cloud around her. It’s the warmth of her smile, everything she does. “Well color me impressed!!” I say, stupidly, damn near choking on my words when she flips her hair like she does. Shinier, more voluminous. Was that a pregnancy thing or did she do something new? How does she get prettier everyday? I scarf down endless pancakes and eggs and meats, chug a coffee or two from the amazingly hot glasses she brought to the table. Secret bag, eh? I marvel her, bask in her smile as I kiss her forehead. “Kaz-chan… if you ever don’t feel good, you’ll tell me, right?” It’s out before I can think to not ask it, ain’t too good at thinking in the first place. Then I beam up at her. “Yeah. Top secret next project!!” Tho it wouldn’t be so secret soon. There was nothing more I wanted on all earth than for her to be happy, to give her the dreamhome. I had to make first steps, feel reality’s waves against the soles of my feet to dive in. We weren’t so far from shore.

After breakfast, I tug on a grey underarmour, bowtie, black joggers and some Converses. She’s so cute. Hella cute as can be, it hurts just looking at her Spring fit. I start imagining what’d she wear when the twins were closer, how she’d turn heads everywhere she went with her style, confidence and her one-of-a-kind charm. Helluva difference from the girl who hung out as a sweater to avoid being seen. “You’re beautiful,” I whisper after she squeezes my hand, leaning into her kiss. Ready? For the rest of our lives? For our kids? For everything I wanted to give her and the sorta dad I wanted to be? I gulp. I’d never even really wanted anything in life, wandered aimlessly just doing stupid shit to wreck myself or the Covenini and then here she was… Queen of all my world, lighting my path forever.

I lead her to the car, hands intertwined tight, always looking out for somethin’. Then I open the door up for her, hop over to my side and fire on the ignition. “Comfy, baby?” I ask, grinning hella big!! The radio fires on, engine purring to life under us as I’d start swerving out of the parking lot whenever she was settled. I thought of the GPS of the place, consider where the chocolate bar is first. Whenever we’d start rolling on a mainstreet, her arm hella tight in mine, one on the wheel, I’d chuckle. Sniff. “So uh… whaddya… wanna name em??”