✧ RIP ✧

I furrow my thickass brows. It’s one thing for a gang to be violent against another gang. Anyone part of that lifestyle, by choice or otherwise, knows the rules of the game they’re playing. And it’s a whole other thing to beat on ordinary Civilians: custodial staff, security staff, the sea of sorry ■■■■’s who found their way mixed into all that shit. One night your son’s going out for a drink with his friends, the next day no one made it home. That shit pisses me off. I take my giant pillar and SWING it into the three bikers, practically lobbing one man’s waist off!! Felt good! “OI OI!! You’re on his side, right?! Then stand up!!” I grunt, throwing one man into another before getting my solar plexus slammed into!! It sucks all the air out of me. And still my bigass mouth finds a way to talk. “You got BROTHERS, SISTERS, WIVES to go home to, alright?! Plus, don’t make MORE WORK FOR ME!” I roar, getting right into the center of the circle and dishing our four-armed barrage punches!!

I peer down. Blood arches across my chest, an unusual burning sear spreading like hellfire across my ribs. Tch. Leave it to these jerks to have special weaponry. Why couldn’t they lend things like this out to the janitors?! Don’t tell me someone who can mop continuously for three hours ain’t able to swordfight with a laser nanotech katana just the same! I heave out, all eyes on my new friend!! “Okay, best friends!!” I add to it, teasing him with a grin. My only besties were that crazy runt I met in the forest, the lil jo-chan, and my wife!! “YOSH!!” I couldn’t tell him then that I could use the money. With kids on the way and a diaper pack going for ten million yen a pop it felt like, who couldn’t?!

My body leaps back into the fray, literally, ten feet into the air to slam on bikers retaliating on the upper level. I peep him and Tamotsu’s beef, my vision of the wealthy owner evolving by the moment. What he did to the swordsman took skill and experience unparalleled. Despite the expensive ass shoes I hated with every iota of matter in my body, because they reminded me of stupidly expensive fits my dad would rock just ‘cause it proved his status, I had to wonder: just who exactly was Wish-Maker?

✧ RIP ✧

A thought slips into my hardened heart every now and then: was it really okay to love somebody this much? To think of her every moment of every hour, one day not bleeding into the next till her ephemeral visage came to me in a dream? A thousand fleeting memories of her in the milliseconds of twilight blending to dawn, gorgeous haunting visions in the shape of her. I remember them all. I thought, without a shadow of a doubt that if the apocalypse would come and my love and I were the last two humans alive on earth, we’d happily spend all our days in a bunker with a simple bath and kitchen. Ain’t need nobody else, just unending bliss in the presence of the other. My shoulders melt into her hands, a pleased grumble slipping from my lips. I smile up at her when she kisses the top of my head, all four arms wrapping around her when she hugs me. I was flattered by what she said, red biting into my cheeks. Then I whisper into her collarbone. “Your clothes express the humanity in us, Kaz-chan,” I start, “our personalities, our toils, our wishes and desire all on our sleeves… I can’t get them off fast enough when I’m around you, though!!” I’d lean up and in for a sneak kiss!! I couldn’t stay wholesome long when she was here!!

I was glad our kids could see it, the undeniable resolute love me and their mom had for each other. Wanted the safety, love and encouragement we worked so hard for to be theirs. Couldn’t help but grin something silly at their laughter too, fingers going faster over their tums!! Seeing them smile made my day in a way I never would have thought possible!! “Exactly as your mama says!! I’ll beat the universe up if it ain’t give you what you wished for!! Then, in six months, you ask Santa all over again and me and your mo-I mean Santa will get it right!!” I cover Yuzuki’s ears, apologizing to my lil angel for the slip up. She heheus!! clapping her hands together as lil dribblets of spit drip from her chin. I wipe her gently, then look towards my son and wife!! His pencil chewing melted my heart! “Hella good form, Zenji!! Wish proudly like your mom says! Whole-heart just like we ain’t allow half-asses!!”

I burst out laughing, the color over her face living behind my eyelids for the rest of my days. Pleased me on a carnal level when she leaned in, too, desire skyrocketing from under me. Then I gasp at what she says, Zenji’s lil pencil wave and her teasing grin haunting me.

“H-he sees right through me, ain’t he?!” I lean slightly in, ruffling Yuzuki’s hair as she giggles madly at me. “LISTEN KID!!” I huff out my chest, voice no louder than the loudness it already was!! “I’m gonna simp over you and your sister and YOUR MOM your whole LIVES!! You better be ready! Your pa’s your #1 fan!” Their shoulder to cry on, their old anime dad with the advice, their money bag, their cook, and yes I will be complaining to the ref at volleyball games if my kid gets fouled!! All these things I ain’t yet experience flash before my eyes as she shows me his paper, absurd emotion coursing through me. Ain’t have a single clue what it says. But those were our son’s marks, one his little body put down to show the world his existence. “Oh OH! I see!! Zenji, your penmanship is hella good!! Super bigly big wishes!”

Despite what I looked like on the outside, I was getting more and more emotional!! Our demon snotlings, the love of my life, writing our wishes all together! It was the happy ending I ain’t deserve, a thousand dreams come true! I could picture my girl’s mom here, Gumi Mo and her girl too, my brother Brie and Gor too. So much had happened. How the hell did I get lucky enough to end up here? Following what our daughter was doing on the page, keeping the tears in, I was almost ready to bust when she spoke again!! A single tear left my eye seeing the paper. “Whoa! All the bamboo pollen,” I say, swiping it away. “Zenji. Your papa loves you too. C’mere!!” I lean over the table to barrage his forehead with kisses!!

The cicadas sing all around us in time to our pencils scribbling over paper. Yuzuki draws two triangles with lil sticks poking out of them and then a bigger and small circle, fast chaotic downward strokes for hair. It’s her and her mom, a giant heart encapsulating the two of them. She erupts in laughter as she shows it to Kazashi, hands all over the place. I get my notes ready, too. My hearts are just as lumpy and fun as hers!!

wat do ou want for dinner??
ur cute

✧ RIP ✧

“K-Kaz chan!!” I drop the damn spatula into the grill looking at her!! Yuzuki laughs at me, lil palms flailing this way and that as I plunge my hand into the burning coals to fish it out. “AH te-tet-te!!” I hiss, the sear hella nothing in comparison to what was happening over my face and chest!! “Your dad’s a fool for your mom!! hella gyat! Not my fault she’s so beautiful!!” I sing to our daughter, bouncing off and on one foot as I shake my hand out. She was that effortlessly seductive. I’d walk in coals for her, drown in them all the same and still feel like I was on Cloud 9 cause I had her. “Our daughter’s an angel, but I think this grill’s out to get me. I’ll kill it!! After it kills the calamari and kabutoyaki!!” I’m salivating all over again, a spare hand ruffling our lil cherub’s hair before turning back to my wife. Tattoos? My eyes widen!! “We may consider it once you hit your 40th birthday, Zenji!! No alcohol, most drugs or dating before that!!”

Despite my antics, my eyes went soft then. “Mhm.” It was hella hard sometimes, leaning into that happiness. ‘Cause I thought I’d curse myself. Like as soon as I did it, hugged my world with all four arms and basked in her light, I’d know right there, that’s it. that’s when hell will break open on us. Like we ain’t gettin’ anything good for too long, not with a record like mine. Maybe the universal executor’s lying in wait, ready to reset the balance. Then I lift my head up, replaying her words. “Your notetaking is super cool.” It was always a helluva joy, unraveling the different ways we were organized or the myriad manifestations of the strengths each of us brought to the relationship. I was a hella, hella lucky man, greatest understatement of my life. Then I smirk, plating more of the food from the grill after throwing my upper hand into my ist. “It’s a date then, baby!!” By that time, I’d make sure to craft something useful for her mom in thanks!! Then I catch what Zenji’s doing, his big head and bigger smile, his head a half of a heart next to my love’s and my whole soul’s melting between my ribs. Her giggle and the blown kiss… I suck back a sob, Yuzuki’s squirming and smiling distracting me. I peer down at her, play with her tiny, tiny hands. Was it possible? Could we really be happy as a family just like this all our lives?

An insidious panic struck in my soul as soon as she told me she was pregnant. It ain't a fear of fatherhood, there was nothing I wanted more with her. (‘Sides getting old and dying together). But it was the overwhelming paranoia of how. How do we protect this? This idyllic moment that belonged to someone else’s life, not deserving of someone like mine - how do we keep this? Even sitting there with the woman I love more than anything, more than what was or what is to come, the tangible and unfathomable, some sector of my head is still thinking through it. Never stops. How to defend us by any means necessary. I peer down at Yuzuki watching the butterfly with her big white, auric eyes, heart and head churning. “I hope so too.” A spare hand reaches over one of my wife’s, squeezing her palm extra much. Then I’m back in her eyes, lost in the heart of her hum. “There’s octopus, fish and crab and corn and,” I whisper, leaning in, “I was gonna have you for dessert?”

✧ RIP ✧

I gasp. “Y-you were?!” A flush travels up my neck and cheeks, so in awe of her giggle, that little flutter!! Like her every move was something mesmerizing, the premier act to hold onto in my heart for all my days. If this grill ain’t separate us, I’d have my hands all over her, hugging every curve I’d call home. Hell, all over, at every angle she was hella breathtaking!! “Ah, Zāzā!!” My mouth failed then, this helluva tiny brain not knowing words enough to say how beautiful she was or how much she meant to me. How she’d carved me from rock, chiseled my heart to fit perfectly to hers. She’s diamond and moonstone, I’m the metal band protecting her in this life and infinite loops again and again after. Unyielding matrimony.

“Listen to your ma!! She’s hella strong and always right!” My words are in one ear and out the other as Zenji’s peerin’ up at that butterfly, happy gurgles bouncing out his lips. I smirk. Prolly ain’t gonna be any different when he’s sixteen following me to the hideout, either. I oogle up at my wife. The bakery? I blink. “The bakery!!” We’d been so busy running around with our kids, gettin’ through these sleepless and perfect first few months that’d time moved funny. Impossibly slow when the kids were bawling at four am, but somehow insanely fast when I went to wrap all four arms around my wife every night. How?! But I ain’t ever forget her dream! “You wanna drive ‘round the village over next weekend?” I grin. “Maybe ‘Gumi can watch the kids and we can scout out places and more.” My eyes soften at what she says next, tongue slipping out to lick my upper lip. “Yeah, we did. I love you.” I blow a kiss at her from here, internally promising to multiply that by a billion real ones once I was sitting next to her again!! Flipping eels, crispy and moist while bouncing Yuzuki between my arms, laughing at Zenji and her bein’ cute. “Learns from me?!” I blush, a free hand going up to my neck. I hold up Yuzuki, snuggling her face real close. “Listen kid, you gotta keep your brother in check!! You’re the only one his cuteness won’t work on, okay?! You have his whole world at your fingertips!!” I had to make oaths with our girl right now!!

“Tch!” I start playfully, leaning in to kiss our daughter on her forehead. “They say a kid’s their parents’ greatest karma. So, what’s it gonna be, Grand Judges? Whaddya gonna be like for me and your mom?” Two arms sneak a little bite of de-boned eel to each one, although the food could prolly be a lil cooler for them. Plus, I wanted my love to relax and enjoy her food, too!! To no surprise, they scarf it down hella quick, like they’d never eaten a day in their lives!! “So I’m baitin’ the panel, so what!! You’ll rule in our favor and be good, woncha?” I wink at them, thick eyebrows scrunching up at what my beautiful wife says. “Extra hungry?” Then they straighten out!! “Hella good, baby, ‘cause there’s a lot more where that came from!! The eel’s just the starting half of the first half of the half of the real entree!!” I was grinning, lured right into her siren’s lullaby!

✧ RIP ✧

I snap back to reality with her wink, hella embarrassed!! What was I thinking about? How entrancingly beautiful she was. Was she really real? How badly I wanted to get her pregnant again. Where to whisk her away on the next vacation? How old do the twins gotta be to remember Disneyland? Should I read the bedtime stories in Spanish so they learn it? How to make it all work - and should I craft her a hot chocolate bar or an outdoor bench for the pond next? How many donuts could she balance on her chest at once?! I ain’t know how to say all my stupid shit out loud!! “N-nothing,” I say instead, “you’re just really pretty.” ‘Bout sums it up anyway!

I peer down at Yuzuki’s big white and auric eye, gasp playfully at her with what my girl says!! “OIYA… they’re gonna be quite the handful, ain’t they? Hella smarter than me too!! How am I gonna fool them?!” Two hands hug our daughter close as another two gently cup her ears. She gurgles, baby dimples lighting up with joy. “See, my secret place is hella TOP secret! Sorry, you ain’t allowed in just yet, lil babe!” My girl was hella right. Ain’t long before our ZuZu’s crack the code, they were just gonna be that smart and cunning, I could tell already!! I beam up at her for everything she says, my heart pulsing faster and faster in ecstasy. “It’s the happy ending! We fought for that shit, baby girl!! N I’ll fight with my life to protect you and that ending too! Perfect soulmate wifey.” I lift up a fist triumphantly, emphatically, before going back to grilling. Then snort at Zenji’s expression, a happy tear forming for how his tiny hand held onto Kazashi’s finger!! “He’s gonna be so guilty alright. That cuteness of his is gonna bail him outta so much trouble, ain’t it?” How were we gonna discipline these snotlings?!

“Hell yeah, Zāzā!!” Any excuse for free food was worthwhile, not like we needed it but hey, free is a whole new level of nice when you got kids! I remember pulling together my meager gang wages, the scraps the Covenini threw my way after their cuts. Literal or metaphorical. Used every yen to pay for dates, fought to put on this big bluff, stupidly thinkin’ she’d love me more if I was a traditionally macho man who’d pay for her like that. Hella cute times. We’re unfathomably rich now, in a way hella so few understand. I sit down next to my wife, an arm snug around her waist as she scooped all the lil ones closer. Their big baby eyes look up between the both of us, saliva dripping down their round chins as their fingers go up to their mouths. I stab a piece of eel with the knife, piling it into my mouth without blowing!! “A climber with endless energy, too!! He’s gonna be a trouble maker, ain’t he?!” I turn to Yuzuki, leaning in to give her a fierce kiss on the forehead!! “Or will it be you, lil doll?” Then I’m all flushing, forehead ignited where she kisses!! “I-I’m glad!! There’s hella more where that all came from!” I say all too fast, eyes lingering on her lips long after she licked them!

✧ RIP ✧

It was hella hard to take my eyes off her, bathed in moonlight, radiance all the brighter. Sometimes I still think my supermodel soulmate is some kinda illusion I cocked up, a trick of Charon luring death to Pluto. How could it be possible otherwise? How could someone like me be with someone like that, voluminous spirit swinging our son around in her scarf arms and bringing to life heaven on earth with her every laugh? It hurts to look at her too long. But I can’t stop, anyway. Moth to flame and all that and so much more. “Mhm,” I idly agree, drowning in the sweetness of her grin before looking back to the grill. Yuzuki seems to read my mind, happy, tiny fingers sweeping over my jaw like she was teasing me. My upper arms rub lil circles into her big baby cheeks, obsessed with her gurgle!! “What? Your mom’s super pretty!! You look at her like that too y’know!” She laughs more, spraying spit onto my face and I close my eyes, erupting in deep laughs.

“Campin’?! Hell yeah!” I beam in her smooch, practically havin’ a mini stroke and forgetting how to talk for the next few seconds!! Good thing my arms are still working, flipping the food on the grill so it ain’t get burnt! “I think their favorite place will be… wherever you are.” An extra arm reaches over to curl around her waist, pulling her in tight for a surprise kiss! “Then home n’ the forest!!” It made my heart damn happy. To know they’d grow up not only with loving parents but with the world at their fingertips, sprawling forestlands to transverse and explore all on their own. None of the hurried, exhausting life that was living in the city. Crazy how you ain’t even realize it till you’re not in it!! I grin up at her, laughing even more with Zenji’s wild expression!! “Oh, for sure. Get ready, baby, it’s gonna start with him scouring to the top of the kitchen cabinets for all the snacks after bedtime!!”

I start plating mountains of food onto the serving dishes, great trays of eel and fish and ribs and helluva lot more!! But above the sizzle and steam of the grill, I was hella attuned to her every word. And Yuzuki’s tiny baby breaths at my chest. A shy smile finds my face, all the shyer when she leans up against me!! Seven years later and I still have an out of control crush on my wife!! “Right baby?! We gotta lotta good catches that day! I ain’t know what the government’s gonna do with the Bay, but let’s go back there for more if we can!!” A mischievous grin found my face!! Instead of killing people, now I’m the seasoned grill MASTER, assassin of deep sea creatures!! I bring all the trays over to our tent, propping them on our lil table. The kids ooh and aweee and fwhaha!! at their momma’s words, reaching up to her as she says shiny moon!! “That’s right, she is the moon!!” I tell ‘em, handing a plate to my girl as I snuggled up besides her and our kids!! Yuzuki coos, closing her eyes with the head rubs! “Ah HA, so she takes after you with the horn rubs, ain’t she?” I tease, taking mental notes before gently threading my rough fingertips exactly on the same spot for Kazashi!!